we're blogging at a bar
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
