New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
