Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize