You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
These tits shall not be calmed
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
