i can't believe i had my finger in that
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize