OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
In America we eat man semen.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize