Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
