im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Panties = found
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize