Quick, to the slutcave!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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