I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize