I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
