no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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