get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize