I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
