What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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