They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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