you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
