this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
