dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
