i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
