I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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