oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize