Someone shit on the floor
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
