he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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