Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
