I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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