I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
