girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
