I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
