Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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