apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
