i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
