Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize