oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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