I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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