if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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