I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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