butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
