So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
