You work out of a Hotel?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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