I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
