She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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