i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
