Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
