So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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