I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
