yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
