so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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