i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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