after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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