Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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