Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
