Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize