Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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