I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
