Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize