Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
