I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
