Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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