All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
