Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
