Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
