he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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