Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize