I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
