Someone shit on the floor
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
