You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
