So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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