he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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