Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Couch. On fire.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
