He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
