he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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