you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize