i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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