I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
