shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
