She's never allowed to turn 21 again
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
