i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
